For people who have read my posts, you know that I have been through certain things, and even more that I have not thought to post out here. Even with being abused, lied to, bullied, having lost a child, and been though illness after illness; I have never lost my character of compassion, care, love, sympathy, empathy, or anything else. For a while there when I was still living with my husband, I had become bitter. I became extremely bitter to the point of lashing out at him because that's what he has shown me all those years and same with his family. I became the kind of company I had lived with. I finally realized this one day and I didn't want to be that person anymore. I would always want to go to my parents house so I could be around a family filled with love. Yes, we have our own problems and flaws, but we have never let that stop us from being the kind of family God wanted us to be. We have been redeemed by His blood and we carry our sins and burdens to the foot of the cross often.
It has been 11 months since I decided that the best thing to do was file for divorce. After my husband got out of jail for the suspended license issues, he came out a changed man since I had told him of my intentions. Since that September, he has only let his anger get to him once with me. He had completely changed his attitude towards me and has grown a heart that wants to be tender and loving. He has also spent more time with my family and I think it has helped in the long run because all his family does is curse and fight, mainly with his dad. This is an important step for my husband to be able to grow into the man I know he can be. He had somewhat tried more with trying to get a job, but nothing has happened in that department. I told him that he has until July when I can file to get a job and prove to me that he can do it, or I file since I truly have no other option. I have thought about staying separated but married, but with that we wouldn't be talking and I know he would just find another girl. That's what he does. So if he did that, I would definitely file for divorce on grounds of adultery if I were to have enough proof.
So even though he has hurt me physically and emotionally and mentally, I have been able to get through and overcome it. I have become the person on top to be able to overcome such an obstacle and not let it change me into a person who has nothing to lose. I am letting my situations be a beacon for those who need help. I am here to help anyone who needs it since I know what they have gone through or are currently going through. But this is the kind of person I am. I am an extremely compassionate person who wants to help anyone who comes in my life. God was gracious enough to give me a mother who passed that on to me. I don't see it as weakness, but as a strength like no other. It's Christ's strength in me that has helped me through everything. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, this is true. My God has supplied for all my needs so that I can be able to help others see that.
That is how I am different from other people. Even with being hurt so much, I am never the kind of person to reciprocate that feeling. This is the strength I have and the kind I want to see everyone else have as well. We are all capable, but are we all willing to do what is necessary to be that way?
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
This is my 5th Mother's Day. Another special occasion that I should have my baby girl to show for it, but I don't. Most of these holidays are always so horrible for me and I can only tolerate them so much, but I knew this year's would be different.
I woke up and saw two corsages on th3 table that my dad buys every year, one for my mom and one for my grandma. So I thought nothing of it except that it would be nice to finally be included. I call my grandma to let her know that we were ready to pick her up for lunch. She had already gotten out of her church dress clothes and said that her corsage would look right with normal clothes. I told her that it would be fine and it's sitting right here on our table. She goes, "No, your dad brought mine to me before church." I started crying. I was finally being included on Mother's Day. :)
We went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and had a wonderful time. We even shopped a tiny bit while we waited for our seats. When we got home, I gave mom and grandma their presents; I bought both of them necklaces and gave them their cards. I was also given a card, by my sweet sweet coworker who is like my third grandma. No words can describe the happiness I felt while reading that card.
After a while, I went over to my in-law's place and gave my mother-in-law her card and my husband mentioned that he did get me something. It was a Mother's Day card! He wanted to let me know that while he may not always be the best at telling me, he loves me and still remembers to think about our baby. That meant the world to me, and so much more. That is the first Mother's Day card he has ever given me That is what made my night, besides watching Frozen.
I also had so many people on Facebook let me know that they were thinking of me and telling me how proud they were of me to still stay strong and keep going even though I feel broken down. I had so many loving friends support me today and I am truly grateful. God has blessed me so much with friends who care and with a daughter who has given me more love and joy even if she isn't physically here with us. What a blessing she is. :) What a truly Happy Mother's Day.
I woke up and saw two corsages on th3 table that my dad buys every year, one for my mom and one for my grandma. So I thought nothing of it except that it would be nice to finally be included. I call my grandma to let her know that we were ready to pick her up for lunch. She had already gotten out of her church dress clothes and said that her corsage would look right with normal clothes. I told her that it would be fine and it's sitting right here on our table. She goes, "No, your dad brought mine to me before church." I started crying. I was finally being included on Mother's Day. :)
We went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and had a wonderful time. We even shopped a tiny bit while we waited for our seats. When we got home, I gave mom and grandma their presents; I bought both of them necklaces and gave them their cards. I was also given a card, by my sweet sweet coworker who is like my third grandma. No words can describe the happiness I felt while reading that card.
After a while, I went over to my in-law's place and gave my mother-in-law her card and my husband mentioned that he did get me something. It was a Mother's Day card! He wanted to let me know that while he may not always be the best at telling me, he loves me and still remembers to think about our baby. That meant the world to me, and so much more. That is the first Mother's Day card he has ever given me That is what made my night, besides watching Frozen.
I also had so many people on Facebook let me know that they were thinking of me and telling me how proud they were of me to still stay strong and keep going even though I feel broken down. I had so many loving friends support me today and I am truly grateful. God has blessed me so much with friends who care and with a daughter who has given me more love and joy even if she isn't physically here with us. What a blessing she is. :) What a truly Happy Mother's Day.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Selfishness
So comes the day when the unexpected is in fact expected. My sister and her husband left for Pennsylvania without letting us say good - bye to the kids and then came back for a couple days. My dad told her that she was not to take the car he had bought but she did anyways. They planned on coming back just to get more stuff to take back with them and my dad flat out told her that she was to leave it here this time. Apparently my brother-in-law's vehicle broke down in Pennsylvania and the only ride back is a UHAUL. My sister has not spoken to us all day because she turns her phone off when she doesn't want to deal with us. Her husband let us know that they are leaving tomorrow morning if we want to come and say good-bye.
The problem is not us being able to say good-bye to the kids, it's about my grandma. She has been devastated over my sisters choices and mistakes ever since she got together with him when she left for Pennsylvania the first time, but to do it all over again is killing her. She is lonely enough as it is and not being courteous enough to go over and make her more important than their hate. They can be mad at us even though we are right all they want. That doesn't make them parents of the year. What are they teaching their kids? How to be deceptive and how to lie to get what you want. They don't care about us or the kids, they just care about themselves and it is the saddest thing.
I just hope my sister knows that what happens now is all on her. It's no one's fault but theirs and they are the ones who have to deal with the consequences of their choices. The problem is, their children have to suffer for it too. :( What parenting.
The problem is not us being able to say good-bye to the kids, it's about my grandma. She has been devastated over my sisters choices and mistakes ever since she got together with him when she left for Pennsylvania the first time, but to do it all over again is killing her. She is lonely enough as it is and not being courteous enough to go over and make her more important than their hate. They can be mad at us even though we are right all they want. That doesn't make them parents of the year. What are they teaching their kids? How to be deceptive and how to lie to get what you want. They don't care about us or the kids, they just care about themselves and it is the saddest thing.
I just hope my sister knows that what happens now is all on her. It's no one's fault but theirs and they are the ones who have to deal with the consequences of their choices. The problem is, their children have to suffer for it too. :( What parenting.
Friday, April 11, 2014
There Is Always A Time To Heal And A Time To Cleave.
Four years ago today, I had to go through some of the worst kind of pain imaginable physically and emotionally. I had miscarried. I lost my child. It has eaten at me ever since it happened and it doesn't go away. People say it gets better with time, but in all honesty, it doesn't. It just gets somewhat easier to hold back the tears and fear as well as the anger and loneliness/emptiness that comes with it.
One of the things that made it harder on me was that I had to deal with it all alone. My husband and I weren't supposed to be talking for certain reasons and my mom was out of state visiting her best friend. The pain that I had to deal with was so unbearable and draining. I bled and bled for what seemed like forever. There were splotches and I knew that with this level of pain, something was extremely wrong. I had had a feeling that I might have been pregnant, but didnt know for sure so I even took a pregnancy test and it didn't show up positive until a couple of days later. I had taken another test that day and it was positive.
That wasn't too long before Mother's Day. Mom promised to get me a Mother's Day card. To this day, she never got me one. My husband told me a couple months later that I needed to get over it and deal with it. I am the odd one out who is a mother of an angel yet isn't considered a mother in most people's eyes. It's quite despicable and nauseating.
After a couple of years, my husband finally saw how upset and hurt I still was about losing our baby, so he bought me a necklace of Jane Seymour's Open Hearts Collection that has the angel wings and the halo in memory of our baby. That meant the world to me and showed me that he does care. I never take it off except to clean it.
I don't like having a "pity party", but this is how I deal with this loss. I talk about it and I also make sure I still think about my child even though I do all the time and can't help it. It's just so hard to deal with it when there are kids everywhere around you and you break down into tears because that should be your child playing with them. You see that husband and wife strolling along with their baby in her stroller? Yeah, that should be us. A happy family. But life doesn't go as it should or as planned.
I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I have a child who should be in this world with me. I have to deal with the pain of seeing other children play and of my friends being so happy throughout their pregnancy and having sonogram pictures. But I don't get that. I don't get any memories of the pregnancy let alone of their life in this world with me. I cannot walk through the stages of life with my child or read bedtime stories and cuddle. The feeling of the baby kicking and finding out what the gender is? No. I don't get that either.
It's so hard living my day to day life and not feeling sad or sorry that my body want strong enough to hold her. I get to live with more questions than answers. I get to have more wishes and prayers than hugs and kisses.
Today is my baby's 4th angelversary/birthday and I am no closer to dealing with it than I was back then. It hurts just as much but I do love my child even more. I also know that I will see her face to face when my time here is up. And for that, I am so thankful. I love my baby so much more than I thought possible. I have a certain connection with her that I don't get with anyone else. She is like my own security blanket. I love you so much, Angela. So so much.
One of the things that made it harder on me was that I had to deal with it all alone. My husband and I weren't supposed to be talking for certain reasons and my mom was out of state visiting her best friend. The pain that I had to deal with was so unbearable and draining. I bled and bled for what seemed like forever. There were splotches and I knew that with this level of pain, something was extremely wrong. I had had a feeling that I might have been pregnant, but didnt know for sure so I even took a pregnancy test and it didn't show up positive until a couple of days later. I had taken another test that day and it was positive.
That wasn't too long before Mother's Day. Mom promised to get me a Mother's Day card. To this day, she never got me one. My husband told me a couple months later that I needed to get over it and deal with it. I am the odd one out who is a mother of an angel yet isn't considered a mother in most people's eyes. It's quite despicable and nauseating.
After a couple of years, my husband finally saw how upset and hurt I still was about losing our baby, so he bought me a necklace of Jane Seymour's Open Hearts Collection that has the angel wings and the halo in memory of our baby. That meant the world to me and showed me that he does care. I never take it off except to clean it.
I don't like having a "pity party", but this is how I deal with this loss. I talk about it and I also make sure I still think about my child even though I do all the time and can't help it. It's just so hard to deal with it when there are kids everywhere around you and you break down into tears because that should be your child playing with them. You see that husband and wife strolling along with their baby in her stroller? Yeah, that should be us. A happy family. But life doesn't go as it should or as planned.
I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I have a child who should be in this world with me. I have to deal with the pain of seeing other children play and of my friends being so happy throughout their pregnancy and having sonogram pictures. But I don't get that. I don't get any memories of the pregnancy let alone of their life in this world with me. I cannot walk through the stages of life with my child or read bedtime stories and cuddle. The feeling of the baby kicking and finding out what the gender is? No. I don't get that either.
It's so hard living my day to day life and not feeling sad or sorry that my body want strong enough to hold her. I get to live with more questions than answers. I get to have more wishes and prayers than hugs and kisses.
Today is my baby's 4th angelversary/birthday and I am no closer to dealing with it than I was back then. It hurts just as much but I do love my child even more. I also know that I will see her face to face when my time here is up. And for that, I am so thankful. I love my baby so much more than I thought possible. I have a certain connection with her that I don't get with anyone else. She is like my own security blanket. I love you so much, Angela. So so much.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Out Of Our Hands And Into The Lord's
I have come to find that if it's not one thing, it's another. These days, it's mainly been all about my sister and problems with her husband. But most importantly, taking care of her kids.
One weekend in my junior year of high school, my sister just up and left for Pennsylvania without telling us. My dad was out of town so it was just me and mom at the house. We found a note in her room that let us know that she is moving to Pennsylvania with her "best friend" who picked her up and to have a great weekend. Even with the ever so meaningful well wishes, our weekend was one of the hardest to deal with.
My sister had met a married couple online and they befriended her and invited her to move there with them. They picked her up and brought her to Pennsylvania. After just two days of being there, the husband asked my sister if she wanted to bear his children. So she did.
Keep this in mind, my sister is not like any other adult. She is borderline mentally retarded so she doesn't have the mental stability or capacity that normal people do. This couple knew that and they took advantage her.
My sister shortly became pregnant with my nephew. She wanted to marry this guy so she made a big deal that the couple were still married. The guy had told her that they were in the middle of a divorce, but that didn't seem true by any means.
Throughout the pregnancy, there were signs of abuse. My sister would call my dad to come to get her and bring her back because he would grab her and drag her off the bed. My dad went to bring her back, but with no luck. She changed her mind. On the way back, my dad fell asleep at the wheel and got into an accident. Later she had called a second and then a third time, and still produced the same results.
My nephew was born six weeks early and had to be put into the NICU for quite some time. After a while, she and the couple came down so she could visit with us. It was nice to visit but it was a different story meeting the couple. Disgusting and vile as they were.
One day my sister had gotten out of their van and they just took off with her son. This had been their plan all along and even though she had seen an email between them, she still didn't believe it would happen. Either that or she didn't understand. She did get him back and the two of them ended up marrying and went back to Pennsylvania.
Ten months after she had my nephew, she gave birth to my niece. Things were rough for them since they were living in a not so good apartment thing, so after a while, they moved here. They stayed with me and my parents for a while then got their own place after they had enough money.
The abuse wasn't that often but when it did happen, it was bad. My sister would come over with black eye with make up over top of it. Apparently he and his ex wife lost custody of her kids a while back because of his abuse towards them. Things just kept on.
Now my sister has moved back in with us and her kids because of adultery situations. She has gone through a custody battle and a good many court dates for assault and battery which she has never gone through with. She has dropped every court thing and then expects us to still be behind her in her decisions. We have bent over backwards for her and we get nothing in return.
However, we do get time with the kids. But nowadays, even though she is separated from her husband and has a custody agreement, even when it is her weekend or her days, she is always at her husband's place. We only get to see the kids maybe 10 minutes a day since they only come back to sleep. Dad even bought her a car and she has been paying it off every month.
Yesterday, dad went to eat lunch with my nephew at school and found out from him that they are moving back to Pennsylvania. . . In two weeks. This is the thanks that my parents get for helping her through all of her crappy situations. We may never see those kids again if her husband has her way. But whatever happens now is all on her. We have helped her all we could and now it is up to her to deal with her decisions. Dad also said that because of That, she is not taking the car with her. He is going to give it either to me or mom. It also looks like dad is switching her phone with grandma's. He gave us new smartphones and is gonna make her leave it here since she uses up all of our data.
I am just so heartbroken for those kids having to deal with them as parents. It's just so sad to see all of this happening to them and their parents don't care. Why is it that people who don't care about putting their children before themselves can keep them? It's horrible. But God is with them and I know that He will not let any harm come to them.
This is one of the most trying times of our faith and trust in God, but we know that everything is in His hands. My sister is an adult and needs to finally take responsibility for her actions and deal with the consequences. We can no longer get her out of those situations. It is up to her now. All we can do is pray and hope. But one thing is for sure, if we didn't have faith, we wouldn't have anything. God is everything to us and He is in control.
One weekend in my junior year of high school, my sister just up and left for Pennsylvania without telling us. My dad was out of town so it was just me and mom at the house. We found a note in her room that let us know that she is moving to Pennsylvania with her "best friend" who picked her up and to have a great weekend. Even with the ever so meaningful well wishes, our weekend was one of the hardest to deal with.
My sister had met a married couple online and they befriended her and invited her to move there with them. They picked her up and brought her to Pennsylvania. After just two days of being there, the husband asked my sister if she wanted to bear his children. So she did.
Keep this in mind, my sister is not like any other adult. She is borderline mentally retarded so she doesn't have the mental stability or capacity that normal people do. This couple knew that and they took advantage her.
My sister shortly became pregnant with my nephew. She wanted to marry this guy so she made a big deal that the couple were still married. The guy had told her that they were in the middle of a divorce, but that didn't seem true by any means.
Throughout the pregnancy, there were signs of abuse. My sister would call my dad to come to get her and bring her back because he would grab her and drag her off the bed. My dad went to bring her back, but with no luck. She changed her mind. On the way back, my dad fell asleep at the wheel and got into an accident. Later she had called a second and then a third time, and still produced the same results.
My nephew was born six weeks early and had to be put into the NICU for quite some time. After a while, she and the couple came down so she could visit with us. It was nice to visit but it was a different story meeting the couple. Disgusting and vile as they were.
One day my sister had gotten out of their van and they just took off with her son. This had been their plan all along and even though she had seen an email between them, she still didn't believe it would happen. Either that or she didn't understand. She did get him back and the two of them ended up marrying and went back to Pennsylvania.
Ten months after she had my nephew, she gave birth to my niece. Things were rough for them since they were living in a not so good apartment thing, so after a while, they moved here. They stayed with me and my parents for a while then got their own place after they had enough money.
The abuse wasn't that often but when it did happen, it was bad. My sister would come over with black eye with make up over top of it. Apparently he and his ex wife lost custody of her kids a while back because of his abuse towards them. Things just kept on.
Now my sister has moved back in with us and her kids because of adultery situations. She has gone through a custody battle and a good many court dates for assault and battery which she has never gone through with. She has dropped every court thing and then expects us to still be behind her in her decisions. We have bent over backwards for her and we get nothing in return.
However, we do get time with the kids. But nowadays, even though she is separated from her husband and has a custody agreement, even when it is her weekend or her days, she is always at her husband's place. We only get to see the kids maybe 10 minutes a day since they only come back to sleep. Dad even bought her a car and she has been paying it off every month.
Yesterday, dad went to eat lunch with my nephew at school and found out from him that they are moving back to Pennsylvania. . . In two weeks. This is the thanks that my parents get for helping her through all of her crappy situations. We may never see those kids again if her husband has her way. But whatever happens now is all on her. We have helped her all we could and now it is up to her to deal with her decisions. Dad also said that because of That, she is not taking the car with her. He is going to give it either to me or mom. It also looks like dad is switching her phone with grandma's. He gave us new smartphones and is gonna make her leave it here since she uses up all of our data.
I am just so heartbroken for those kids having to deal with them as parents. It's just so sad to see all of this happening to them and their parents don't care. Why is it that people who don't care about putting their children before themselves can keep them? It's horrible. But God is with them and I know that He will not let any harm come to them.
This is one of the most trying times of our faith and trust in God, but we know that everything is in His hands. My sister is an adult and needs to finally take responsibility for her actions and deal with the consequences. We can no longer get her out of those situations. It is up to her now. All we can do is pray and hope. But one thing is for sure, if we didn't have faith, we wouldn't have anything. God is everything to us and He is in control.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Having A Hard Night.
Tonight has been really hard for me when it comes to my depression and trying to keep certain memories hidden that are too rough to live with. I don't normally speak of it because this memory is definitely one that I need to keep to myself. Some people are easier at talking about it with others because it helps them, but for me, it's the opposite. My story is not like most, but it does happen to a lot of people and it is scary enough. I don't tell my story to most because it is the one memory I would rather set in a locked box and throw it away in the back of my mind, to be left for all eternity. It's the one memory, I would rather keep to myself. We each need our own secret memories. Maybe one day I will be able to speak about the worries and always having to look over my shoulder, but not now. Not yet.
I have been seeing a lot of Facebook shares about women speaking out about being raped and becoming sex slaves and it has brought my emotions back full force. I am only comfortable speaking to people who have also been raped because it helps comfort one another and let's us know that we aren't alone. We listen to each others stories (not the full story, just enough that we still have some to hold back), cry on each others shoulders, and pray with each other.
No one can fathom what we go through day to day, year after year. We appreciate it when people apologize that we went through it but we mainly want them to keep us (all rape victims) in their thoughts and prayers. If you have a worry that someone may be in that kind of danger, ACT! Help them. Talk to them. Let them know that you will look out for them. Just be mindful about what you say and how you say it. Even the slightest wording of things can cause us to crack.
I have been seeing a lot of Facebook shares about women speaking out about being raped and becoming sex slaves and it has brought my emotions back full force. I am only comfortable speaking to people who have also been raped because it helps comfort one another and let's us know that we aren't alone. We listen to each others stories (not the full story, just enough that we still have some to hold back), cry on each others shoulders, and pray with each other.
No one can fathom what we go through day to day, year after year. We appreciate it when people apologize that we went through it but we mainly want them to keep us (all rape victims) in their thoughts and prayers. If you have a worry that someone may be in that kind of danger, ACT! Help them. Talk to them. Let them know that you will look out for them. Just be mindful about what you say and how you say it. Even the slightest wording of things can cause us to crack.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Work
I started working when I was 17 as a gymnastics coach. I thoroughly enjoyed it since I had been a gymnast since I was three and switched to dance when I was 10. I was mainly teaching dance technique but I taught the team girls as well as kids. After my migraines got worse, I started having a lot of passing out spells and those eventually turned into seizures. After that, I wasn't allowed to teach kids alone so I always had to have someone with me. But that didn't last very long. All in all, I worked there for two years and nine months. Not too long after that, the gym shut down because of lack of money flow.
I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to keep a steady job for more medical reasons, so I was without a job for a year. Mind you, ONLY one year. I was almost forced into getting another job since my husband was in jail for the one domestic violence incident that I called for help. He was forceful with the idea that I had to get a job (even though he was only in the military reserves and had no civilian job since I've been with him), but I also knew that I had to get one. If we wanted to have any life of our own as a married couple, we both had to get a job.
I put in ten applications a day for a whole week. Within a couple days I got three calls back for interviews. The first one was for a job I had been wanting for a while because it always seemed like a great place to work and everyone was happy. The second . . well, I was praying I didn't get that one. But the third interview went very well. It was a pretty new store and it sold junior girls clothing (my sizes). My interview was on June 6, 2011. I got the job on the 8th and started my first day on the 10th.
This was my first try at a regular job, a retail job. I came home crying the first day because I was worried I wouldn't be good at it since I had never done anything like that before. I'm sometimes afraid of new things. But I got the hang of it and it ended up being one of the best jobs I could ever have. Everyone who worked there since I had been there always had tattoos. Hah, once in a while I even wondered if that was a necessity in getting the job. With being able to show our tattoos, we were able to connect with the kind of customers that came in shopping for our clothes. We have met many wonderful people and have been able to easily converse with them. The only bad part of that job is the many incidences we had from stealing and wanting to spend too much money on clothes ourselves. Lol.
After a year and a half as well as moving back into my parents place, I knew that I wasn't making enough money specially when my job was having to cut my hours from being slow and not making enough money on the payroll, so I decided that I needed to get a second job so I can save up money for a car. I had put in applications right after I moved back in with my parents but I was so stressed over marriage issues that I stopped for a bit. I had an interview on January 8, 2013 and was told as I was leaving that I more than likely had the job if I was interested and that to make it official, I would be called. I was called on January 10 to tell me that I had the job and then I started on the 14th.
This second job was different from the first though. It's a lot calmer and the people who shop here are more trustworthy, I guess you can say. It was a lot to take in but it was easier. The only thing I worried about is having to deal with coupons upon coupons. I ended up becoming a key holder at my second job so I could get more hours but my first job wasn't too happy about that since they asked me not too long beforehand and I didn't think I could have that kind of responsibility. It just seemed easier at my second job, so I took it.
After a little while of learning new and different things, my boss wanted me to learn more so she asked me if I wanted to go on a managers trip. We went to a meeting in Greensboro to talk about new product coming out and Christmas stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned a lot.
The talk of opening a new store was going around at my second job but it certainly wasn't concrete. I was told by my boss that if we were in fact opening another store up, she wanted me to be her assistant manager and help with both stores. Also around that same time, the day Monday of Thanksgiving (2013), we had word that my first job was going out of business due to lack of money intake. Our last day open was on January 10 of this year and we packed everything up and said our good - byes on the 12th. I was at that job for two and a half years.
But while that door closes, another opens. We opened up our new store for my second job (now my only job) on January 6 and I am already loving it. Traffic and money coming in is really slow but that is expected of a new store. Not many people know we are open or anything. But it's nice to be able to run the store. Of course my boss has the final say so, but she works there two days while I work there the other five days she doesn't. I am 23 years old and have been at this job for one year and two months. And I hope I have many more.
God has blessed me tremendously with these things and I could never ask for more. I did what I needed to do by getting a job when I needed to. My husband has worked all of maybe five days at the most since I have known him, excluding the military reserves, of course. He does a tiny bit of under the table stuff but other than that and making a tiny bit from his hobby, he has nothing. He doesn't even seem to want a job. His parents pay for everything while I am over here paying for gas, food, and everything else I need and more so. I'm not jealous at all because it feels wonderful to be able to be independent to an extent. I feel more like an adult than I have been. I feel responsible. The only downfall is that I am married to a guy who doesn't care about his responsibilities as a husband nor as an adult. It's sad. It's shameful. I just hope he will learn later on that me nagging and pressing him to get a job wasn't to make him mad. It was so that he would understand what the importance of it was.
I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to keep a steady job for more medical reasons, so I was without a job for a year. Mind you, ONLY one year. I was almost forced into getting another job since my husband was in jail for the one domestic violence incident that I called for help. He was forceful with the idea that I had to get a job (even though he was only in the military reserves and had no civilian job since I've been with him), but I also knew that I had to get one. If we wanted to have any life of our own as a married couple, we both had to get a job.
I put in ten applications a day for a whole week. Within a couple days I got three calls back for interviews. The first one was for a job I had been wanting for a while because it always seemed like a great place to work and everyone was happy. The second . . well, I was praying I didn't get that one. But the third interview went very well. It was a pretty new store and it sold junior girls clothing (my sizes). My interview was on June 6, 2011. I got the job on the 8th and started my first day on the 10th.
This was my first try at a regular job, a retail job. I came home crying the first day because I was worried I wouldn't be good at it since I had never done anything like that before. I'm sometimes afraid of new things. But I got the hang of it and it ended up being one of the best jobs I could ever have. Everyone who worked there since I had been there always had tattoos. Hah, once in a while I even wondered if that was a necessity in getting the job. With being able to show our tattoos, we were able to connect with the kind of customers that came in shopping for our clothes. We have met many wonderful people and have been able to easily converse with them. The only bad part of that job is the many incidences we had from stealing and wanting to spend too much money on clothes ourselves. Lol.
After a year and a half as well as moving back into my parents place, I knew that I wasn't making enough money specially when my job was having to cut my hours from being slow and not making enough money on the payroll, so I decided that I needed to get a second job so I can save up money for a car. I had put in applications right after I moved back in with my parents but I was so stressed over marriage issues that I stopped for a bit. I had an interview on January 8, 2013 and was told as I was leaving that I more than likely had the job if I was interested and that to make it official, I would be called. I was called on January 10 to tell me that I had the job and then I started on the 14th.
This second job was different from the first though. It's a lot calmer and the people who shop here are more trustworthy, I guess you can say. It was a lot to take in but it was easier. The only thing I worried about is having to deal with coupons upon coupons. I ended up becoming a key holder at my second job so I could get more hours but my first job wasn't too happy about that since they asked me not too long beforehand and I didn't think I could have that kind of responsibility. It just seemed easier at my second job, so I took it.
After a little while of learning new and different things, my boss wanted me to learn more so she asked me if I wanted to go on a managers trip. We went to a meeting in Greensboro to talk about new product coming out and Christmas stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned a lot.
The talk of opening a new store was going around at my second job but it certainly wasn't concrete. I was told by my boss that if we were in fact opening another store up, she wanted me to be her assistant manager and help with both stores. Also around that same time, the day Monday of Thanksgiving (2013), we had word that my first job was going out of business due to lack of money intake. Our last day open was on January 10 of this year and we packed everything up and said our good - byes on the 12th. I was at that job for two and a half years.
But while that door closes, another opens. We opened up our new store for my second job (now my only job) on January 6 and I am already loving it. Traffic and money coming in is really slow but that is expected of a new store. Not many people know we are open or anything. But it's nice to be able to run the store. Of course my boss has the final say so, but she works there two days while I work there the other five days she doesn't. I am 23 years old and have been at this job for one year and two months. And I hope I have many more.
God has blessed me tremendously with these things and I could never ask for more. I did what I needed to do by getting a job when I needed to. My husband has worked all of maybe five days at the most since I have known him, excluding the military reserves, of course. He does a tiny bit of under the table stuff but other than that and making a tiny bit from his hobby, he has nothing. He doesn't even seem to want a job. His parents pay for everything while I am over here paying for gas, food, and everything else I need and more so. I'm not jealous at all because it feels wonderful to be able to be independent to an extent. I feel more like an adult than I have been. I feel responsible. The only downfall is that I am married to a guy who doesn't care about his responsibilities as a husband nor as an adult. It's sad. It's shameful. I just hope he will learn later on that me nagging and pressing him to get a job wasn't to make him mad. It was so that he would understand what the importance of it was.
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