This is actually the reason why I started a blog in the first place. I need a safe place to keep a record of incidents in case my husband finds them and throws them away. This is what I have dealt with for almost 3 years. This is exactly the reasons why I separated from him. (Excuse some of the language).
November 24, 2009
(I don't remember what exactly this was over, but I wrote it down in my journal). His sister hit him on the arm and he hit her on the back with his drumsticks. He overreacted and went on a rampage. He broke the sticks and then he and his mom exchanged words. He hit his dad after he got into the argument and my husband (boyfriend at the time) hit him and his parents told him, "Out of the house." He got into his moms face and he got into his threatening him to hit her. She even said "Go ahead, hit me. I f***ing dare you." They told him to get out. He slammed the door open and started throwing stuff. His dad told me that he would take me home. He told me he has already had a heart attack and didn't need another one. My boyfriend was in the middle of the street in front of the vehicle so his dad couldn't take me home. His mom talked and yelled at him . He got me out of the car and took me to the picnic area. We talked a while and came back to the house and I stayed over, for everyone's sake.
October 26, 2010 (non violent, but this is one of the things that later became violent)
I saw that my husband was texting some girl and the conversations were very inappropriate, so I texted this girl saying that her talking sex to my husband is inappropriate and that I didn't appreciate it. She texted back, "Excuse me?" I say. "You're the girl who is texting sex stuff to (my husband), right?" Her response, "Is this a joke?" And of course I reply with a, "No." She responded with, "He doesn't have a wife. He does't even have a girlfriend." I get a little heated by that time and say, "Yeah, we've been married for over four months now." She dares to say, "Well, if you really are his wife and this isn't a joke, I suggest you do better in bed and give him what he needs because he came to me for sex." I was on the phone with mom at the time and my husband came into the room. I told him that I was filing for divorce and burst into tears. We went into our room and he lays me down on the best and gets on top of me (not in anger) and tells me that he found out that morning that guys only talk to her for sex and that he thought she was joking about all of that stuff. I also saw a text that she had sent this morning to him saying, "Please don't stop talking to me just because I won't have sex with you." He didn't say a word to her about that. I cried and begged him to tell me that she was lying. He just said, "You were right about her and I'm sorry. Why would I want to have sex with anyone else? I just want you . . no one else." I had gone into his room to be alone but he followed me and he pinned me to the bed to make me listen to what he was saying and to try to get me to believe him. He did, later on, get his dad to block her number along with a different girl who was 14 who was trying to talk sex to him as well. We went on a drive to help calm me down.
October 27, 2010
Mom wanted me to talk about what all happend yesterday when I ubruptly had to hang up the phone, but my husband up and walked out of the house. He finally came back and got me. When we got to the light down the street, I said something that apparently pissed him off, so he sped in reverse and then drove me back to my parents place. He told me to get out but I wouldn't because we needed to talk about this together as a married couple. He said that I needed to drop it because we handled it last night. I told him that we didn't handle anything and that we just got it out of our minds last night. He sped down the road. He was going about 50 mph (in a 35 mph zone) on a windy road, so I told him to stop and that he was putting us in danger. He slowed down and then he stopped in the middle of the road, got out, came to my side of the car, opened the door and told me to get out. I told him no and that we needed to talk. He slams the door and walks down the road in front of the car for a about a minute. He comes back and we drive off. He yells and screams at me with so much anger that I am scared again and start shaking. I told him that I don't appreciate him yelling at me. He screams loudly, "I don't care!" and then continues going on. He stops on the side of the road right behind his parents neighborhood (where we live) and proceeded to demand that I get out again. I told him that we weren't done talking yet so he comes on my side of the car, opens the door and tells me again to get out. I still tell him that we need to talk about this, so he unclips my seat belt and grabs my right wrist and tries to drag me out of the car. I try holding onto something and he grabs my wrist with both hands since one wasn't working and continues to try to drag or pull me out of the car. When it doesn't work, he slams the door, grabs his keys from the ignition and his cell phone, and starts walking to the house. After a couple of minutes of sobbing, I get out and start walking the other way towards where one of his friend's girlfriends lives. He comes after me and tries to get me back in the car. I told him that I wouldn't go anywhere with him, but I did.
November 3, 2010
My husband wanted me to play an Xbox game with him but I told him that I don't know how to play and that he gets pissed at me whenever I do. I tried playing, but I was horrible, so he yells at me and screams profanities at me calling me fucking useless. I try getting out of the room but he shoves me back onto the couch about five times. He grabs my arms and squeezes them to make me stay. That gave me bruises. I go downstairs and lock myself in the bathroom but he unlocks the door and grabs me and takes me upstairs and sits me down and makes me play.
September 22, 2011 1:00 am - morning of the 23rd
I wanted to go to the bridal shop to show my mom and grandma what I look like in the dress that I really wanted for the Marine Corps Ball. My husband was in North Carolina all day, so we went. They had new dresses there so I tried some on. I found the one and put it on layaway (didn't intend on buying one). I told him when he came home and he was so pissed. His mother got him to calm down a bit but after a couple of minutes after we went to bed, he brings it up again. He's mad because it was supposed to be the two of us shopping together. I just wanted to go to sleep so I get up. He says, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" I said, "To sleep on the couch". I turned to walk back out and he gets up, grabs my wrist and literally drags me to the bed and flings me down. My leg popped up and hit his thigh. He grabbed me by the throat and leaned me back then had me up against his wall and said, "I dare you to do that again. I fucking dare you," I just cried and he squeeze harder so I would stop. I couldn't breath much and it hurt. I felt lightheaded and dazed for a tiny bit, sort of like I was about to pass out or like I was tipsy. He let go and I kept to myself. And that is what I have to live with.
December 22, 2011 10:30 a.m.
I found and printed out a copy of a conversation that my husband was having with a girl on Facebook. I confronted him about it and he said that he was going to send those pictures that she was going to send to his friend, but it's obvious he wasn't. He gave her his own email address. How many times does he have to lie to me when I catch him doing stuff or, moreover, why does he do this in the first place? What is so wrong with me that he does this, even when we are married and he knows that it is wrong. It makes me sick that I married someone like that. Someone who doesn't care about boundaries, immorality, or the sanctity of marriage.
We argued about it. I wouldn't let him keep lying to me so I didn't want to be in the same room with him. I tried to get out of the room, but he yelled at me and tried to get me to sit down. Every time he would try to make me sit down, I would stand back up. He then grabs me by the arms and gets me on the bed to keep me down and to make me listen to him. I wiggle and try to get free, then I push him off of me with my legs and get off the bed. He grabs me again and tries flinging me to the bed and I slap him to get him to let go of me. He grabs hold of my arms and flings me down after I try sitting on the ground to get my arms free. He corners me and bends over me while I'm on the floor next to our bed and then he slaps me on my right cheek so hard that it took the wind out of me. I sit there in astonishment, crying and shaking. He had never done that before. He told me that if I was willing to hit, I was man enough to take a hit as well.
So now I know that he really would hit me. Next time, I'm calling the cops and leaving him for good. I can't just stand by and let him do this. I've dealt with this long enough, I don't deserve to be abused. Am I so terrible that he has to do this to me? He has to cover up his lies with more lies? He has no feelings, non whatsoever. I had to go to work right after that. There was a red mark on my face and my coworkers wanted to call the cops. But I said no.
March 9/10, 2012 12-12:30 a.m.
We went bowling with one of my friends and his friends and both of us drank alcohol. I had two screwdrivers and he had a whole pitcher of beer. We came home and I wanted to have intimate time but there was no mood and he seemed not to care, so I changed my mind. He got mad at me enough to where he was clenching his teeth when he talked. He spread out his body on the bed to where I barely had room. It was obvious that he was doing that on purpose and I got up and went to lay down on the other bed we had in our room. He asked what the fuck I thought I was doing and I said that I was sleeping on the other bed. He told me that he would drag me back to our bed if I didn't get back up there now. I told him that I was going to sleep and he got over to me, grabbed my wrist/arm and flinched me on the bed. I sat up and he grabbed my leg and jerked it so I was laying down. He turned the light off and he held me tight so we were spooning on our left side and so I was all the way against him. I didn't want to be beside him directly so I would move away. He would clench me tighter and tell me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep, but I wept. He told me to shut up and stop fake crying. I tried curling in a ball and he turned the light on and told me to look at him but I didn't, so he grabbed my face and got right up in it. While clenching his teeth, he yelled at me saying that he loved my pretty little face but he would put a hole in it if I didn't shut the fuck up now. If anything, I could always snap your neck like a twig and it wouldnt take any effort. I told him that that would be better than living like this. He got up, got his sword that he has on his wall, and acted like he was going to stab himself. I told him that it wouldn't be my fault if he did that. He puts the sword down and goes and gets his 22 rifle, gets on the bed and tries to make me put my hand on the trigger and I wouldn't. (He yells at me through it all). He gets back into bed and wraps his arm around me again so I wouldn't go anywhere, so I was right beside him. I fight him by twisting around to get free. He grabs my head and said that he would beat my pretty little face in and to shut the fuck up and sleep. I push him away from me then he grabbed my arms, put them beside me and say on me to where I didn't have a lot of movement and he yelled at me to shut the fuck up (clenched teeth) and was beating the pillow right beside my face. I wept and told him to go ahead and do it. I tried getting free and bit him on the arm then he bit me on my right leg. He got me in a neck lock on my pillow twice and the second time, I passed out. I came to and he had me beside him and he secured me again with his arm and told me to get comfortable. I cried and said that I was. He told me to move a little and get comfy. I was shaking something fierce from being so scared and crying as quiet as I could so he wouldn't do anything else. I wanted to just forget and go to sleep. I have never seen him THAT angry before. Never.
October 26, 2012 around 7:30 p.m.
Every year for the past couple of years, there has been a popular game on Xbox that has come out around Halloween that my husband gets every year. This year is no different. We went to the game store so he could pay for the rest of this game that he pre ordered and for some reason his bank card wouldn't work. Of course he gets angry because there was at least some money in there. He calls the bank and things got heated pretty quick. He didn't understand why they had put a block on his card and he started yelling and cursing through his phone to the other guy (With whom I of course felt beyond sorry for). After a while of threatening the guy and more raging, he tells me to get in the car. On the way to the bank (which has already closed for the night), he gets heated with me and demands that I call the bank number and get the rest of his money transfered to my account so he could use it. I don't know my own account number because I don't use the bank number at all and he gets mad. He screams at me to go online and look through my bank stuff and try to figure something out. Now, my phone is just any old regular phone that doesn't have Internet, so I use his old phone as my ipod that also has Internet access. The only problem with it is that I have to constantly keep it plugged in for it to work, otherwise it shuts off after a couple of minutes. When we got into the parking lot of the bank, I had to explain that to him as well as not being able to go between bank accounts through the Internet on my Ipod. To do that, I need to be on an actual computer for some reason. He couldn't understand that and he started beating the steering wheel and yelling loud enough that spit was flying everywhere. I got out of the car just to be able to get a breather and calm down so I wouldn't cry, but also so he wouldn't be so susceptible to doing anything in public. He yells out his door to get back in the damn car and I told him that I just got out for air. I start tearing up as he gets out grabs me by my arm and demands that I get in the fucking car. Now I am crying. I get back in the car. And he keeps on about the whole bank thing and blames me for not helping him and is still carrying on and cursing at me. With hearing more screaming, I grab my purse and get out of the car and start walking towards my house since it wasn't far away to walk. He yells at me though his window and demands that I get back in the car. I tell him that I wasn't getting back in with him because he was talking to me like that and that I was going to my parents house. I kept walking. He gets out of the car, runs after me, and grabs me by the arms to turn me around. He grabs hard enough that my arms get sore after a couple of seconds and then he starts shaking me and threatens that if I don't get back in the fucking car that he would fucking hit me. He keeps shaking me and I tell him that he's hurting me. He says that it would stop if I just got back into the car. He grabs hold of me still and walks me towards the car and I get in. Crying. Terrified. A couple in an SUV drive and sit behind us and yell something at him. He yells back and threatens to beat their car in with his crowbar (he kept one beside his seat). They said something else that I couldn't hear since I was crying and was getting my phone so I could call 911. He grabs his crowbar and goes after the SUV. They drive off. He gets back in the car and quickly drives off hard enough that my phone slips out of my hands and I can't see where it went. He starts driving to my parents house but the SUV follows us. He took different turns down other neighborhoods trying to loose them and after a couple of minutes we did. We about get into the driveway and he tells me that I am going to go straight downstairs, get on the computer, and fix this (Meaning the bank stuff). I try to dry my eyes and we go inside. Mom was in the kitchen as we walked in and I go straight down the hall into the bathroom and lock the door. My husband says something to my mom after she asked if everything was okay and then starts beating on the bathroom door demanding that I get out. I told him that I needed to calm down and go to the bathroom first and wanted to be left alone. He told me that I needed to get out and fix the bank stuff on the computer first and then I could go back to the bathroom. I just sat in a corner and wept. He pops the cap to the doorknob off and unlocks the door. He comes after me and tells me to get up. I told him that I wanted to be left alone. He grabs my arm and demands that I get up. He then squeeze my arm to where it hurt so much worse than usual ( in a trigger spot) and out of pain I moved and got up. He told me that that's what happens if I didn't do as he told me. Otherwise that wouldn't have happened. I go towards the kitchen and mom says something I don't remember but I told her that I needed to find my phone. I start going outside and my husband follows me and says that he will help me look. I got to the car found it and went back inside and started going to my room. I started to call 911 and my husband grabbed my phone out of my hands. He asked what I was doing and then mom asked me if she wanted me to call the cops on the house phone. I told her to do so and he just said that he wanted to talk was all. Mom decided to give him that chance so he told me to go into the living room beside us while he talked to my mom. He tried to talk soft enough so I couldn't hear. He tried to blame me for not helping him out with the bank situation and that I was blowing things out of proportion. I tried to yell from the living room and he just kept denying what I was trying to say. I went back into the kitchen and inserted myself in the converation. I told her my story and she said that it was too late to call the cops now since it had already happened and that I should have called when it was happening. I tried to get to the house phone on the wall and my husband got in the way. My dad comes upstairs and asked what was going on. He suggested that he take my husband back home and I told him that I was staying here. My parents thought that was a good idea so I stayed in my old bedroom. My mom came in and I cried on her shouldn't most all night. My arm had already started to bruise up too. My dad had come back after a while and even said that my husband tried to tell him his side of the story and my dad told him what's what. He told me that if he ever takes the doorknob off again that I need to tell him and that he would call the cops for destruction of private property. After everything, I just cried myself to sleep.
After that incident, I permanently moved out of my in-laws house. No one else knows why, of course. They just think that we got into an everyday argument and I didn't like it so I moved out. I wonder what they would say if I told them the truth. Knowing them they would just say that that's him for you and that I should have just did as he said and everything would have been fine. Instead I made it into something worse. But then again, that's just how they think.
I know that this is some rough stuff to read, but this is what I deal with. I stay in this marriage still because I feel like its the right thing to do. We have now been separated for 5 1/2 months and I don't see him changing yet. I am not with him so he doesn't do any of this to me, but he still yells and curses at me when we argue about our problems. I just hope I can truly realize that this is no way to live. Also keep in mind that his family doesn't know all or basically any of what has gone on and they think I am in the wrong. They don't even try to ask what happened or to try to understand. They think I blow things out of proportion and lie about it. With really having gone through all of this, it's unfathomable that anyone would ever lie about something this serious, not to mention saying that they know what we go through in our day to day lives with having to walk on eggshells and get scared and shakey if you even have an incling that he is getting angry. People don't understand the toll it takes on us emotionally, physically, mentally, and sometimes even sexually. He even got to the point where he was controlling what I could and couldn't wear to bed. I was only allowed to wear underwear at the last points and he would threaten me if I didn't take my shirt or pants off or if I tried to wear anything else to bed that he didn't like.
I am keeping these things in a safe place for when and if I file for divorce. Thank you for letting me share this.
