Tonight has been really hard for me when it comes to my depression and trying to keep certain memories hidden that are too rough to live with. I don't normally speak of it because this memory is definitely one that I need to keep to myself. Some people are easier at talking about it with others because it helps them, but for me, it's the opposite. My story is not like most, but it does happen to a lot of people and it is scary enough. I don't tell my story to most because it is the one memory I would rather set in a locked box and throw it away in the back of my mind, to be left for all eternity. It's the one memory, I would rather keep to myself. We each need our own secret memories. Maybe one day I will be able to speak about the worries and always having to look over my shoulder, but not now. Not yet.
I have been seeing a lot of Facebook shares about women speaking out about being raped and becoming sex slaves and it has brought my emotions back full force. I am only comfortable speaking to people who have also been raped because it helps comfort one another and let's us know that we aren't alone. We listen to each others stories (not the full story, just enough that we still have some to hold back), cry on each others shoulders, and pray with each other.
No one can fathom what we go through day to day, year after year. We appreciate it when people apologize that we went through it but we mainly want them to keep us (all rape victims) in their thoughts and prayers. If you have a worry that someone may be in that kind of danger, ACT! Help them. Talk to them. Let them know that you will look out for them. Just be mindful about what you say and how you say it. Even the slightest wording of things can cause us to crack.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Work
I started working when I was 17 as a gymnastics coach. I thoroughly enjoyed it since I had been a gymnast since I was three and switched to dance when I was 10. I was mainly teaching dance technique but I taught the team girls as well as kids. After my migraines got worse, I started having a lot of passing out spells and those eventually turned into seizures. After that, I wasn't allowed to teach kids alone so I always had to have someone with me. But that didn't last very long. All in all, I worked there for two years and nine months. Not too long after that, the gym shut down because of lack of money flow.
I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to keep a steady job for more medical reasons, so I was without a job for a year. Mind you, ONLY one year. I was almost forced into getting another job since my husband was in jail for the one domestic violence incident that I called for help. He was forceful with the idea that I had to get a job (even though he was only in the military reserves and had no civilian job since I've been with him), but I also knew that I had to get one. If we wanted to have any life of our own as a married couple, we both had to get a job.
I put in ten applications a day for a whole week. Within a couple days I got three calls back for interviews. The first one was for a job I had been wanting for a while because it always seemed like a great place to work and everyone was happy. The second . . well, I was praying I didn't get that one. But the third interview went very well. It was a pretty new store and it sold junior girls clothing (my sizes). My interview was on June 6, 2011. I got the job on the 8th and started my first day on the 10th.
This was my first try at a regular job, a retail job. I came home crying the first day because I was worried I wouldn't be good at it since I had never done anything like that before. I'm sometimes afraid of new things. But I got the hang of it and it ended up being one of the best jobs I could ever have. Everyone who worked there since I had been there always had tattoos. Hah, once in a while I even wondered if that was a necessity in getting the job. With being able to show our tattoos, we were able to connect with the kind of customers that came in shopping for our clothes. We have met many wonderful people and have been able to easily converse with them. The only bad part of that job is the many incidences we had from stealing and wanting to spend too much money on clothes ourselves. Lol.
After a year and a half as well as moving back into my parents place, I knew that I wasn't making enough money specially when my job was having to cut my hours from being slow and not making enough money on the payroll, so I decided that I needed to get a second job so I can save up money for a car. I had put in applications right after I moved back in with my parents but I was so stressed over marriage issues that I stopped for a bit. I had an interview on January 8, 2013 and was told as I was leaving that I more than likely had the job if I was interested and that to make it official, I would be called. I was called on January 10 to tell me that I had the job and then I started on the 14th.
This second job was different from the first though. It's a lot calmer and the people who shop here are more trustworthy, I guess you can say. It was a lot to take in but it was easier. The only thing I worried about is having to deal with coupons upon coupons. I ended up becoming a key holder at my second job so I could get more hours but my first job wasn't too happy about that since they asked me not too long beforehand and I didn't think I could have that kind of responsibility. It just seemed easier at my second job, so I took it.
After a little while of learning new and different things, my boss wanted me to learn more so she asked me if I wanted to go on a managers trip. We went to a meeting in Greensboro to talk about new product coming out and Christmas stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned a lot.
The talk of opening a new store was going around at my second job but it certainly wasn't concrete. I was told by my boss that if we were in fact opening another store up, she wanted me to be her assistant manager and help with both stores. Also around that same time, the day Monday of Thanksgiving (2013), we had word that my first job was going out of business due to lack of money intake. Our last day open was on January 10 of this year and we packed everything up and said our good - byes on the 12th. I was at that job for two and a half years.
But while that door closes, another opens. We opened up our new store for my second job (now my only job) on January 6 and I am already loving it. Traffic and money coming in is really slow but that is expected of a new store. Not many people know we are open or anything. But it's nice to be able to run the store. Of course my boss has the final say so, but she works there two days while I work there the other five days she doesn't. I am 23 years old and have been at this job for one year and two months. And I hope I have many more.
God has blessed me tremendously with these things and I could never ask for more. I did what I needed to do by getting a job when I needed to. My husband has worked all of maybe five days at the most since I have known him, excluding the military reserves, of course. He does a tiny bit of under the table stuff but other than that and making a tiny bit from his hobby, he has nothing. He doesn't even seem to want a job. His parents pay for everything while I am over here paying for gas, food, and everything else I need and more so. I'm not jealous at all because it feels wonderful to be able to be independent to an extent. I feel more like an adult than I have been. I feel responsible. The only downfall is that I am married to a guy who doesn't care about his responsibilities as a husband nor as an adult. It's sad. It's shameful. I just hope he will learn later on that me nagging and pressing him to get a job wasn't to make him mad. It was so that he would understand what the importance of it was.
I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to keep a steady job for more medical reasons, so I was without a job for a year. Mind you, ONLY one year. I was almost forced into getting another job since my husband was in jail for the one domestic violence incident that I called for help. He was forceful with the idea that I had to get a job (even though he was only in the military reserves and had no civilian job since I've been with him), but I also knew that I had to get one. If we wanted to have any life of our own as a married couple, we both had to get a job.
I put in ten applications a day for a whole week. Within a couple days I got three calls back for interviews. The first one was for a job I had been wanting for a while because it always seemed like a great place to work and everyone was happy. The second . . well, I was praying I didn't get that one. But the third interview went very well. It was a pretty new store and it sold junior girls clothing (my sizes). My interview was on June 6, 2011. I got the job on the 8th and started my first day on the 10th.
This was my first try at a regular job, a retail job. I came home crying the first day because I was worried I wouldn't be good at it since I had never done anything like that before. I'm sometimes afraid of new things. But I got the hang of it and it ended up being one of the best jobs I could ever have. Everyone who worked there since I had been there always had tattoos. Hah, once in a while I even wondered if that was a necessity in getting the job. With being able to show our tattoos, we were able to connect with the kind of customers that came in shopping for our clothes. We have met many wonderful people and have been able to easily converse with them. The only bad part of that job is the many incidences we had from stealing and wanting to spend too much money on clothes ourselves. Lol.
After a year and a half as well as moving back into my parents place, I knew that I wasn't making enough money specially when my job was having to cut my hours from being slow and not making enough money on the payroll, so I decided that I needed to get a second job so I can save up money for a car. I had put in applications right after I moved back in with my parents but I was so stressed over marriage issues that I stopped for a bit. I had an interview on January 8, 2013 and was told as I was leaving that I more than likely had the job if I was interested and that to make it official, I would be called. I was called on January 10 to tell me that I had the job and then I started on the 14th.
This second job was different from the first though. It's a lot calmer and the people who shop here are more trustworthy, I guess you can say. It was a lot to take in but it was easier. The only thing I worried about is having to deal with coupons upon coupons. I ended up becoming a key holder at my second job so I could get more hours but my first job wasn't too happy about that since they asked me not too long beforehand and I didn't think I could have that kind of responsibility. It just seemed easier at my second job, so I took it.
After a little while of learning new and different things, my boss wanted me to learn more so she asked me if I wanted to go on a managers trip. We went to a meeting in Greensboro to talk about new product coming out and Christmas stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned a lot.
The talk of opening a new store was going around at my second job but it certainly wasn't concrete. I was told by my boss that if we were in fact opening another store up, she wanted me to be her assistant manager and help with both stores. Also around that same time, the day Monday of Thanksgiving (2013), we had word that my first job was going out of business due to lack of money intake. Our last day open was on January 10 of this year and we packed everything up and said our good - byes on the 12th. I was at that job for two and a half years.
But while that door closes, another opens. We opened up our new store for my second job (now my only job) on January 6 and I am already loving it. Traffic and money coming in is really slow but that is expected of a new store. Not many people know we are open or anything. But it's nice to be able to run the store. Of course my boss has the final say so, but she works there two days while I work there the other five days she doesn't. I am 23 years old and have been at this job for one year and two months. And I hope I have many more.
God has blessed me tremendously with these things and I could never ask for more. I did what I needed to do by getting a job when I needed to. My husband has worked all of maybe five days at the most since I have known him, excluding the military reserves, of course. He does a tiny bit of under the table stuff but other than that and making a tiny bit from his hobby, he has nothing. He doesn't even seem to want a job. His parents pay for everything while I am over here paying for gas, food, and everything else I need and more so. I'm not jealous at all because it feels wonderful to be able to be independent to an extent. I feel more like an adult than I have been. I feel responsible. The only downfall is that I am married to a guy who doesn't care about his responsibilities as a husband nor as an adult. It's sad. It's shameful. I just hope he will learn later on that me nagging and pressing him to get a job wasn't to make him mad. It was so that he would understand what the importance of it was.
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