I think I have put this out there before, but me and my mom are best friends. We have always been close, but when I got sick in school, that is what brought us closer. She has been through stuff that I was just going through and I do trust that that is one reason why God made her my mother. And for that I am truly grateful.
Only she knew how I felt with having a constant migraine that was both nauseating and paralyzing. She knew the kind of fear I had that goes along with it. We both knew that I would hit more obstacles, but it would be her that helped get me through it. She would go out of her way to wake up in the middle of the night and heat my rice pack up for me if I needed it. She would be the one to hold my hair while I puked my guts out. She was the one who would stay with me in my room to help calm me down and stayed until I fell asleep.
Some people will think, "Well, that's what mothers do. They take care of you." But in reality, my mother has gone above and beyond her calling. She would wait on me hand and foot if she felt like it. She would take care of me in a way that I had never experienced. Trust me, she took excellent care of me whenever I would get a fever or the flu, but this was something different. Something special.
While the migraine situation has subsided a good bit, I have had many other situations come up because of my own actions. I have told her that I am doing my best to deal with them accordingly, but no one can really understand unless they have walked down that road as well. We have talked many times about the abusive situations and the cheating. The thing that she has told me is a small answer that speaks numbers to me. "I never would have dealt with that. You are so much stronger than I am."
To be quite honest, while I may seem strong to others for dealing with these issues, I do not feel strong at all. I feel helpless, wasteless, worthless, and at times almost nonexistant. I am only strong because I got myself into this situation in the first place and I know that I deserve it at times and that I need to just deal with it. But me? Strong? No. I find myself thinking that it is my mom who is the strong one. She has had to deal with both of her daughters going against everything they have been taught and watch them go down a destructive path where they encountered consequences that they never thought of. My mom has had to be strong to not cracked or break from feeling like a failure. Yet it was not she who failed us, it was us who failed her and dad.
While living with them, I have felt like my old self again and it is very nice. I get to talk to mom more and keep close to her as we both strive to keep close to God. My mom is amazing in that aspect too, by the way. She does a Precept Bible study and it's wonderful to see her getting so excited to get deeper into the Bible. She is an inspiration thay I want to take after. Lately me, mom, and dad have all been having different discussions at niggt about the Bible and false teachers and such. I just love how I am a part of a family who knows better.
Now, with that being said, my family is by no means perfect. We have had plenty of downfalls and situations where none of us liked each other. At one point I didn't even speak to my dad for two years. I knew that my parents relationship wasn't always the easiest and at one point I actually thought they were going to divorce. I don't always know the situations or problems, but I always know if something is wrong.
Last night, my mom confided in me about something. She and dad are having problems and even though she wouldn't tell me what it was, I had a feeling I already knew. I knew because I had somewhat been in that situation, or at least I knew how she felt. While people may think that confiding in your daughter may be wrong, my mom wouldn't do it if she knew it was. We have been through so many things together that we understand each other so much and ask help from each other. Nothing big, of course. Mom has been having a rough time with her so called friends, and I am basically the only one she can really talk to who understands. From what I have seen, dad won't listen when problems arise. He normally tries to ignore it until it gets better or vanishes. I am like mom in the fact that I am emotional and cannot have anything on my conscience. Mom came to me for something and I tried to help her with it. Today she has taken necessary steps to help demolish one of their issues and I am so proud of her. It's hard. But I know that even though she needs to find good Christian friends, I am there when she needs me. She can't exactly say that of any of her friends.
So please keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers tonight. It's weighing heavily on my mom and she needs to be able to feel peace. But I know that when God is satisfied, He will give her that peace.
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