Emotions

     Some days are easier than others to get through. At times, I don't even want to wake up. I just want to stay asleep and not feel the hurt or the pain. I miss him every day. I don't even get to hear his voice since we only text. I cry most of the day because I realized that unless he changes, I have no other choice. I am somewhat miserable with him, but I am more miserable without him. My heart hurts and I'm nauseous. I burst into tears when I think back on whatever good times we have had even though there aren't many.
     I'm not the one he's willing to do anything for. I'm not the one he is willing to provide for and to take care of. It hurts knowing. It hurts being the one who has to do everything and not get any credit or appreciation for it. But for some reason, I love him and miss him so much. There is something about him that always makes me come back. He gives me a sense of security, somehow. When I am in his arms, I feel so warm and while I don't feel so loved or comforted, it was good to know that I was in the arms of my husband. Even though he does not put all his emotions towards me, I am his wife. But why am I not enough? Why am I not worthy of ALL his love instead of just scratching the surface? I'm torn and I don't know what to do.