I can't help but wonder, does he even truly love me? If he loved me, he wouldn't treat me in such ways or talk to me the way he usually does. Why can't he treat me like I am his wife and not his "punching bag" or an animal. Why is it so hard for him to treat me with love, honor, respect, or decency? Am I that terrible of a person that he has to touch me in the way he does or to talk to me like I am a complete idiot with no common sense? Do I really make him THAT mad that he has to yell and curse at me like he does? Am I truly not deserving of love or respect? Have I messed up?
Unfortunately, I know where he gets it. My husband's mom's side of the family is Polish royalty. He was brought up in the Catholic church and still considers himself as such even though he doesn't practice it nor does he actually believe in much of anything. Eithe that ot he believes in everything (I can't exactly tell which one). He thinks that he got himself where he is today (not that he should be proud of that) and says that he didn't do any of it with God's help, just his own.
My husband has always had an anger problem from what I have heard. The main problem is, his parents didn't know how to handle him acting out. I have no proof except for his word, but he has told me stuff that gave me goosebumps in a bad way. I have been told that since his parents didn't know how to "control" him, they would tie him up in a chair with zip ties, beat his head into the floor or the wall, broke a couple of rulers on him, threatened to hit him with a mag light, and the list goes on. Not only that but my friend's mom witnessed his mother do something to him in public while at the pool (I do not know details at this present time other than she slapped or hit him). No wonder he turned out like he has. He has a huge temper, occasionally throws temper tantrums involving cursing, yelling, screaming, and a slam of the door and, therefore, somewhat breaking it. I have seen these tantrums along with fights and meaningless arguments he and his family have. I have never witnessed such disrespect towards other humans in my life. I never even hear them say "I love you" except when getting off the phone. I mean, no wonder he and I have problems, not to mention we have been living in his parents place since we got married. Just try to imagine the things I have to hear and experience. I have never witnessed a family treat each other in such ways. At one point, he and his dad got into an argument and he got into his face but his mom intervened by stepping in the way and making him put his anger on her. She would yell and curse back at him and even egged him on to hit her. And actually, he did a while before that. Either that or it was that time. I witnessed it myself but seeing how this family was, I was learning that his was normal for them. It was normal to threaten each other and to hit and to let him put you in choke holds or to yell and curse like no one could hear you. To put your hand on each other or to speak to one another in anger ... that is a normal day to them. They see nothing wrong with it.
This, ladies and gentleman, is the kind of person my husband has become. I won't say that it's all because of his family, certainly not. He is 25 years old so I know that he knows that that is NOT the way to treat anyone. He make excuses, of course, saying that I piss him off on purpose and that I push him over the edge because I know what pisses him off yet I do it anyways. Even though I know that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes and do things wrong, he has no patience nor does he care if he does that to me until I call the cops or anything pertaining to him getting into trouble.
I finally decided that a year of having to deal with him grabbing me by the arms and shaking me at times or trying to drag me out of a car and cursing at me was enough. I called the cops (I threatened to call, but he dialed them for me and told me to press send, so I did) and he wasn't too happy with that, nor was his family. That think that I made the story up or that I was mad because I "didn't get my way". I'm sorry, but what did I want to come out of this? Do I enjoy pissing my husband off and him putting his hands on me and grabbing so hard enough that I get bruises? Honestly. -.- It makes me wonder how he even survived his childhood. How can people be so oblivious and ignorant to right and wrong? I really don't get it. I just hope that he is finally starting to realize that that is not a family. A family is a group of people who love each other and who do not treat each other like animals. And that is how he has been treating me as well. From my experience with him, it feels like he thinks that everyone except for him is inferior and either ignorant and lack common sense or just am plain stupid. That's how he acts. Nothing is as important as him and his ideas.
I thought that with being married to him, maybe he would learn how to truly love someone. Well, my goal was too high. I tried but I guess I wasn't as good an example like I thought I was or would hopen to be. But that is what I have to deal with, not only from him, but his family too. I am ready to get out of those situations. I am wanting to be set free from having to deal with that kind of stuff. I thought what I had to do was to just deal with it since it is his family, but now I know that nothing will change if someone finally calls them out on their behavior. While I know right from wrong, I know that I don't always act the way I should either. But I know when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up. Maybe, just maybe, other people could learn this too.
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